I feel like a rusty nail I’ve been away so long. In part, I’ve just been really busy and partly I am in…well that’s the problem, I don’t know if it’s a dry spell or exactly what it is. I simply haven’t been able to sit down, focus, or develop my thoughts. Today I will try to do just that.

I have been feeling out of sorts, scattered or scatter brained. Is there a difference? Just now I got up from my chair to open the blind wider to allow more sunlight in; instead I flipped the light switch on and sat back down before realizing what I did. I do have to laugh at myself sometimes.

I can definitely identify some of my feelings.

1)    I have been concerned about my mom’s health. She has not been feeling good for over two months now. She has more bad days than good. I have tried to talk her into going to the doctor and she has consistently refused. Finally I told her she was going and I told her she could go willingly or she could go kicking and screaming. She knows I say that jokingly (about the kicking and screaming) yet she knows when I say it like that, she will be going to the doctor. We finally went on the 21^st. He examined her and ordered some blood work. We were called the next day with the results, she is anemic and they wanted to do more blood work to find out the cause. This morning we found out she is iron deficient. The doctor wants to put her on an iron supplement and also OTC Colace. This frustrates me for a couple of reasons. I told the doctor she will not take the iron supplement. She might take one or two, then it starts to upset her stomach and she quits. I also told him that in the past (In California) when she has become anemic she has been given B-12 shots on a monthly basis and iron shots. This method of treatment has worked. When the nurse called with his recommendation this morning I had to ask her to remind the doctor of our conversation and remind him that we prefer the shots. Now I’m waiting for a call back.

It’s difficult for the child to “parent” the parent.

I have told three or four people lately that mom is 83, actually she is 87. My self-analysis is this…she hasn’t been feeling well, I can hardly bear the thought of losing her, so if I take a few years off of her age I may have her longer. Is this a control issue or a trust issue?

2)    Karla, my close and dear friend has completed her move. She now lives in a new town, a little over 2 hours away. I miss her terribly, she is like my sister and we spent a lot of time together. We still talk and email but now there is a big void in my life since she has moved. We will probably put a lot of miles on our cars going back and forth visiting.

3)    This next one is more difficult to share and probably has some deep roots. More self-analysis. I shared this with Larry recently and was relieved that he completely understood and has even had similar feelings. I have said for years that changes in the weather affect me both physically and mentally. I know many will identify with the physical part. Occasionally when the atmospheric pressure changes significantly, I feel like there is a dark cloud hanging over my head, much like one may feel with substantial hormonal changes.

I want to be completely alone and have no interest in anything or anyone and have even wished I could just “go and be with the Lord”.  (I understand being with the Lord is a good thing and, like the apostle Paul, I should desire that more) but God has also given us this deep love for our family and for one another, so in my way of thinking, I should only be feeling like that if I were deeply depressed or if I really had some major issues going on in my life.

I fight tooth and nail to hide my feelings because I don’t want anyone to ask me “what’s wrong”, because I don’t know “what’s wrong! My very intuitive husband always senses when I’m feeling this way and being the smart man that he is, he usually rides it out, knowing it won’t last long, or knowing “this too shall pass”. I did share my feelings with him though last week when I was feeling this way. I told him sometimes, “I wish I were dead”. I know that sounds horrible and I’m not suicidal, I’m not unhappy; I don’t have any major problems of any kind. I simply get this dark weight on me and I don’t have any explanation for it. So….now you see why that one was harder to share. If anyone else ever feels like this and if you are inclined to share, I would love to hear from you. Some of you already have my email and others who don’t can use the “contact me” form.

That’s about it for today. I plan on elaborating on the above mentioned topic of trust on my next blog. BTW, it feels really good to write today.

Ironically, I’m posting an article about peace, all the while rushing to get ready for my Monday morning activities. Perhaps this is why this particular devotional caught my attention the way it did.

Today is Ladies Bible Class then off to Mom’s for our bi-weekly Scrabble fix. The devotional is from Jesus Calling Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young.

I hope all of you have a great week and take time to Receive His Peace.

Receive My Peace. It is My continual gift to you. The best way to receive this gift is to sit quietly in My Presence, trusting Me in every area of your life. Quietness and trust accomplish far more than you can imagine: not only in you, but also on earth and in heaven. When you trust me in a given area, you release that problem or person into My care.

Spending time alone with Me can be a difficult discipline, because it goes against the activity addiction of this age. You may appear to be doing nothing, but actually you are participating in battles going on within spiritual realms. You are waging war – not with weapons of the world, but with heavenly weapons, which have divine power to demolish strongholds. Living close to Me is a sure defense against evil.

JOHN 14:27; ISAIAH 30:15;2 CORINTHIANS 10:4

I have read several article and comments about what each one of us can do individually to make a difference in the life of another. I like the idea, and I agree that with very little effort we can make a difference. What I want to talk about today is being on the receiving end of making a difference.

There are so many people of all ages that have made a difference in my life and I thought I would share some of the things they do that have brightened my days and share some of the things that make me feel so blessed.

Saturday we went with Karla to the Volunteer Firemen’s Pancake Breakfast. The weather was absolutely perfect and we didn’t get there until 9am, so it was pretty packed already. While we were in line waiting to get our food, I saw from the corner of my eye, someone coming toward me at the speed of a quarterback and ‘kaboom’ I was tackled around my knees. I looked down and there was Kaylee looking up at me with a million dollar smile and hugging me with all her might. She is one of the little girls from our church family. She will be 5 in January and I have been a part of her life since she was born, she was just a few days old the first time I held her and I’ve been crazy in love with her since then. She always hugs me at church too and even sits with me sometimes.  Next J.D., Kaylee’s dad walks over (he is one of the volunteer firemen) and he is holding his youngest daughter Zoey who is one. More hugs and a big smile and kiss from Zoey. We have so many little ones in our church family and a fabulous group of teens and they bless me in so many ways. I am just amazed at times really!! They have so much love to give and I love being a recipient of that love. More friends show up for breakfast and we had the best time visiting and sharing our meal together.

Other ways people bless me -

Getting phone calls from people asking me to pray for them or a family member. What a blessing and an honor that I am thought of enough that someone wants me to pray for them. I am always humbled by this request.

Getting  notes of encouragement when I write on my blog that something is weighing heavy on my heart, not only from friends I know, but from my blogger friends (some who I have not had the pleasure of meeting in person) yet we share a special bond.

Getting unexpected compliments from my husband, phone calls and texts from my daughters and grandkids. Friends and neighbors, who watched out for me, took me to dinner and even mowed the yard when Larry was in CA recently. My sweet wonderful mother, who is my friend and amazing Scrabble opponent. Friday nights at the Opry, enjoying great entertainment, and the musicians proudly and openly proclaim their love for God and giving a show that reflects that love. Connecting with old friends on Face Book.

There are countless people who bless me on a regular basis and you may not even know it. You are shining stars in the universe and I thank God for each and every one of you. You make a difference!!

While it may seem I have dropped out of sight and hopefully not out of mind, I’m still here. I am having a bit of a dry spell, and Larry and I have been helping a very dear friend pack up her home. She sold her home, where she has lived for over thirty years and is moving closer to her siblings. Her husband passed away nearly two years ago. We are going to miss her terribly; the good news is she will be only a couple of hours away.

I decided today to give you a treat and share with you an article Russell wrote for our bulletin a couple of weeks ago. I hope to write again soon. Enjoy!!

 “Gandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Though Gandhi didn’t consider himself a Christian, he was here advocating a profound Kingdom truth.

Often people want to change the world before they themselves are changed. It never works. In fact, I’d argue that nothing damages the world more than damaged people constantly trying to fix it. The best thing anyone can do for the world is to follow Gandhi’s advice and simply be the change they want to see in the world.

Our job as Kingdom people is not to fix government, society, and the world. Our job is not to position ourselves as Caesar’s wise and morally superior advisors. Our job is not to come up with the smartest, most practical, most caring solutions to the world’s problems. As individuals and as a tribe, our job is simply to be the Kingdom. Our job is simply to be the change God wants to see in the world. Our job is simply to be faithful, however impractical and irresponsible this may look to people who put all their trust in the power-over efficiency of laws, policies, technology, bombs, and bullets.

This is our call. This is our identity. And this is our warfare. To live faithful to the reign of God is to live in revolt against everything that is inconsistent with this reign.” Gregory Boyd

Our calling is the same as Abraham’s was. Leave Haran and come follow me, which is very reminiscent of the words Jesus spoke. “Like a stranger in a foreign country” is the description that the Hebrew writer assigns Abraham. Peter refers to us as strangers in the world who have been chosen for obedience to Jesus Christ. Re-read that last sentence. I have been chosen for obedience!?. (I’m not for sure how to punctuate that sentence.) Jesus’ call to us has always been, come follow me. Following Jesus is counter-culture. Following Jesus demands a radically different agenda for our lives than our culture lures us into. Read Luke 6:27-36 then try to convince me that all the things that we are called to obedience in aren’t impractical and irresponsible, especially to the world!

I connect our calling with Abraham for a reason: hope! Abraham did it! He followed. He lived a radical life hoping against hope in the faithfulness of God. He was chosen for obedience, lived out obedience (not exactly flawlessly either), and brought a blessing to others through obedience. Abraham changed the world because he surrendered himself to God and God changed him for His glory. And we can do it too! We can follow. We can live a radical life, hoping against hope in the faithfulness of God. We can change the world through our obedience to God! Because

God will work in us and through us to change us to counter-culture Kingdom people that others will see and say, “I see Christ in you, the hope of glory! This is our call. This is our identity. This is our warfare.

Come, follow me!

Article Written by Russell Hill
Published in Bulletin, Skiatook Church of Christ