Faith Under Pressure

Someone I love with all my heart is experiencing some of the worst trials of their lives and it’s breaking my heart. It is also causing me to do some serious looking within. I feel frustrated and helpless; I am knocking at God’s door as did the persistent widow. I am looking for answered prayers and if they are being answered I’m not recognizing the answers. I’m on the brink of being angry with God and then I am washed in guilt and ask myself, “how dare I be angry with God” and I wait almost rebelliously for him to discipline me. My heart aches, I weep silently, and I am ashamed.

I read in 1 Peter 1 of some of the things I know will come to pass because of Gods great mercy. Having been born of a new birth into a living hope, I have an inheritance that will never decay, which is kept in heaven for me, and by way of my faith is shielded by God’s power. This makes me feel great…but then I read that “though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.” WHAT?? WHY?? These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

In the middle of my turmoil, I’m now beyond knocking, I’m beating on God’s door and Satan is beating on mine. I began wondering…is my faith genuine? The battle is on and then the Spirit directs me to James 1:6-8 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Am I double-minded and unstable in all that I do? Satan would have me believe that I am!

Yes I am hurting, yes I am scared and yes I have wavered, but I have turned to God, I choose to believe, I choose to trust him with all things. I know full well that things may not be resolved the way I’m praying for. Will I understand? No, I won’t, Will it be easy? Probably not! But I will trust God.

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him. Job 13:15

Those of you who know me understand that if I could share with you what it going on that I would. Perhaps at a later time I will be able to. At this moment it is for the safety of those I love that I cannot. Please pray for all involved, God knows who they are.

6 comments for “Faith Under Pressure

  1. Corryn Pierini
    February 27, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Me too!!! Love you and miss your PERSONAL words of wisdom!

  2. Corryn Pierini
    February 24, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Making the choice…not relying on the “feeling”. We make a conscious choice each day to place our faith in His sovereignty no matter what! Feeling angry or disappointed or fearful doesn’t mean we no longer trust God. Those feelings, if we act/make decisions according to our FAITH, steer us to be closer to Him (hmmmmmm…sometimes that is the ONLY answer we’ll find here!).

    You’re so encouraging Janice…an example of faith. Thank you for sharing and you and yours will be in my prayers.
    Thank you Cory. I wish you were here with me and we could just spend hours talking. Love you and miss you. 🙂

  3. jel
    February 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    God’s knows and that’s all that matters! 😉

    in my thoughts and prayers

    Thank you jel, and especially for your prayers.

  4. Meowmix
    February 24, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Janice, a couple of years ago, I was beating on God’s door over and over, begging him to change His mind and to change somebody else’s heart/mind. Walking in the rain. Crying. Screaming, “why, why, why?” Asking, “Don’t I deserve better than this?” And, as you know, things are pretty gruesome at my house now, though not to the point I was at a couple of years ago. Last week, my nephew wept all night, crying out to God, “why, why, why? Don’t you remember…..” I’m with Greg in that I believe it’s okay to have our moments with God and when we come through the latest particular storm, He’s still there. He’s big enough to take our questions, and He understands we’re going to be mad sometimes. A book by Phillip Yancey, Prayer-Does it Make Any Difference had a terrific impact on my prayer life. He stresses the need to be honest with God about how we are feeling. Don’t know if I’ve said anything to help or not, but know that you and your family are in my prayers – all of our prayers – and that you are loved.
    Thank you Judy, I can’t express the closeness and love that I feel for you and all of my wonderful friends and for the support and prayers from all of you. I’m praying for you and your nephew too.

  5. February 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    I don’t know what’s going on and I’m not ready to declare we are in some “pre-tribulation” scenario in our nation, but I know of very few people these days who are not going through some rather severe trials. I know the feelings you are experiencing. I don’t know that it’s necessarily a lack of faith when we feel angry toward God. In the psalms, this is a rather common emotion expressed by the psalmists.

    Years ago, when I was studying to teach Job, I came across an interesting bit of information on that passage from Job. I don’t read Hebrew so I have to take the word of those who do, but apparently the original wording of 13:15 is more closely: “Though he will slay me, I will defend myself to his teeth.” It was a statement of defiance, not hope. Some scribes thought it too irreverent, so an alternative wording was noted in a margin and that alternative wording came into our Bibles as a statement of great faith and hope.

    I think the RSV renders it, “He will slay me; I have no hope. I’ll defend myself to his face.” So even this great saint of “patience” had his moments with God. It’s okay when we have our moments with God.
    Greg, thanks for the interesting thoughts on “though he slay me”. I can see how it could have been said with both meanings, the one you mentioned showing his frustration and the one I used showing determination to stay the course.
    I pray things are smoothing out for you and that no matter what situation we find ourselves in we will keep our faith. I love the pictures of your grandkids you are putting on FB.

  6. February 24, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Sometimes faith just means hanging on for dear life. The things going on with my family (two of my children in very different ways) the past few months in some ways keep going from bad to worse and I’ve felt exactly like you do – weeks and weeks on end of ceaseless prayers and anguish.

    Things are a bit better now, and I THINK improving slowly over all, although much remains to be resolved.

    Hang in there. You know we’ll all pray for you and with you and are already.

    Much love, Dee
    Thank you Dee for your words of encouragement and prayers, they are much appreciated. You and your family are in my prayers too.

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