Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Prov 16:3
As I read the above verse, I said to myself…this is powerful, especially after what I shared with you yesterday about my struggle to lose weight. I am being shaken up by “the Spirit which dwells in me.” I am facing some hard truths.
I have not committed myself and my plans to Him in the change my eating habits area, nor have I made any real commitments or plans on losing weight. Then I came across this quote: “There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either in or out. There’s no such thing as a life in-between.”
So I’m going to put myself “out there.” And…this is really scary for me, because if I fail…well, I’m going to be really embarrassed, feel really weak and look really daft. I am committing… starting today, to change the way I eat and also to either walking or riding my exercise bike at least five times per week. Many of you may be wondering “what’s the big deal,” just do it.
It’s been months, but I will mention again some of my very ingrained fears. I know logically my fears aren’t rational at this stage of my life, yet my brain seems to be stuck in my thinking. I’m afraid of loosing too much weight because I’m afraid of sexual abuse. As I said, I completely understand this is not a rational fear at my age, and I even recognize that it stems from years of being sexually abused as a child. It still stands in my way. (Yet another area where I fully recognize more of my own weakness, fear and not and trusting completely).
The other reason I hesitate is because it means denying “me” of something I find very pleasurable. One of my favorite things I love is going out to eat. You may remember an earlier post when I shared that my parents literally locked up every bit of non-perishable food in the house. My brothers and I were not allowed after school snacks at all, ever. I held this against them for many years, but have long since forgiven them. I don’t know why (for sure) and at this point in my life I don’t need to know why. Please know that I’m not trying to make them look bad.
Food became something I was denied. Now I can have all I want. See how out of whack things got for me. I haven’t been denied for years yet the word diet to me, means denial. I guess I can’t see the‘t’ at the end of die. Ugh! Get away from me Satan!
As I take this on, the rational side of me is saying to remember the following…there are many ways to do this. I desire to make a lifetime change, not just a change to get the pounds off, rather a lasting change. I can still eat most of the foods I enjoy, just eat them in moderation and throw in some exercise. I want it and want it NOW…. Did I just say that?? Forgive the digression!
Does anyone want to join me? We could support each other….if not, I hope you will be cheering me on from the sidelines. Thanks for indulging me these last couple of day!
I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. Tim 1:12