It has been very difficult for me to watch my mom’s memory and health decline. I was hit the hardest with the realization when we flew back to California last year to help her with the move. Stan and Glenda, (one of my brother’s and his wife) also helped with packing her belongings and preparing her for the move. 

I was in the kitchen starting to pack one of her utensil drawers. When I opened the drawer, I looked at the mess in disbelief, and I began crying. You may wonder why I would find a messed up utensil drawer upsetting. It’s because my mom has always kept an immaculate house, even her utensil drawer. Previously, every utensil would have been in the drawer in a single layer, evenly spaced and facing the same direction. I guess it was a sign of her giving up. It’s seems so trivial, yet I am tearing up again just remembering the incident. Neatness and orderliness was her signature, she worked very hard to maintain her home and ordinarily would have been crushed for someone to find her drawer in a mess.

We witnessed many things that caused us alarm during the two weeks of packing. Her memory loss astounded all of us. I had always called her everyday and I knew she forgot things; I just didn’t realize how severe her memory loss had become.

She would sleep walk and do some very bizarre things and absolutely not recall any of it. We also realized that she had been taking Ambien for a very long time to help her sleep. After researching it I firmly believe it should never be given to senior citizens. Especially after having witnessed the things she did while on that drug, and having several friends share similar stories of how it affected their loved ones.

Before we arrived in CA, she had fallen, we don’t know how many times, sleep walking… while under the influence of Ambien. She had severe bruises, even a black eye from one incident and had no memory of how she got them. After moving here, she had an episode where she got up in the night, was ironing and fell. She injured her shoulder and we had to call an ambulance. Thankfully she remembered my phone number was programmed into her phone and was able to call me. When we arrived at her house, she was completely out of it; she was incoherent and glassy-eyed all from the effects of Ambien!

She was hospitalized for a night and a day. I finally had to tell her she simply can’t take it anymore. I always go to her doctor appointments with her to make sure she doesn’t ever get anymore Ambien.

She writes little notes from room to room, to remind her of what she wants to do or what she has already done. She is aware of forgetting things.

I’m so thankful she is so close to us now. We had hoped she would live with us after getting her out here as we have plenty of room. She stayed in our home for about four months and decided to get her own place. She is less than 3 miles from our home. She purchased a small home in a new subdivision and is enjoying her ‘independence.” We see her almost daily. She and I play a lot of Scrabble and she’s very good at it. Larry does all of her yard work and just recently planted her a lovely Redbud Tree that Stan and Glenda gave her for Mother’s Day.

She has pretty much given up driving, for which we are extremely thankful. Her hearing loss is immense and her vision has severely declined as well.

The three of us take little shopping or eating out trips together, sometimes she comes over for a “sleepover” and we eat and play games. I treasure each day I have with her.

Getting older seems to be having some challenges for me; so much so that my husband jokingly tells me “I’m making quite a reputation for myself.”  Hesitantly, I will share the experiences of the past couple of months with you. Feel free to laugh with me…just don’t laugh at me.

About two months ago we went to lunch at our favorite Mexican Restaurant and mom went with us. I strongly dislike using public restrooms, however….this particular day it couldn’t be avoided. Although I was born in Oklahoma, I moved to CA around 1960 and lived there until 2005. One thing I like about CA is they have “seat protectors” in the restrooms. Most places I’ve had to visit in Oklahoma do not have them. This place didn’t!! This restaurant also has all male waiters, occasionally, on weekends there will be some female help. We visited on a weekday.

Let me set the scene for you….I’m dressed in black slacks and a mostly black top. The restrooms are in the back of the restaurant, nestled between two dining areas. I reached the Ladies Room, turned the knob and the door is locked; I wait… Shortly one of the male waiters exits the Ladies Room. My first thought, after the initial shock and double take to make sure I’m waiting outside the right door is “he’s probably adjusting some hidden camera.” I admit- I may be a teeny bit paranoid. I enter the room; did I mention there is a “green cloud” gag…gag… in the room?  My first order of business is to quickly line the ‘throne’ with nice long strips of toilet paper, sit down, drain my aching bladder, pull slacks up quickly, wash hands, leave room before being overtaken by green cloud left by previous occupant. Did I also mention; there’s no full length mirror? As I exit, four male waiters are standing at the end of the hallway waiting to assist any patrons who may enter the restaurant. I begin my walk back to our booth. As I reach our booth my husband gets up to let me in, and at the same horrifying moment, we both realize I have a very long white TP tail. (Larry calls me “Bon”) He said “Bon” with a hushed urgency, “you have something hanging from your slacks”…I’m already gasping in shock, crunching the paper tail up in my hands as quickly as possible and trying to sit down and act very nonchalant at the same time. I’m feeling hot…silently praying this isn’t really happening. (Yes! I’ve heard stories about old ladies and TP.) I was so embarrassed I’m sure my face was emitting its own light show in various shades of crimson red.

I’m sure they are still laughing and they probably all had their cell phones out snapping pictures. In case you’re wondering…we have been back. I sucked it up-held my head high and walked back in. After all, no one in their right mind would dare mention the incident to me. Right???

The second incident happened at our Thursday night bible class. We were enjoying our study in the Boogan’s beautiful patio. My bible was in front of me and I noticed a black bug at the top of my page. I discreetly turned my bible around to knock it off the page. As I did, I noticed it wasn’t a bug; rather it was a small black-jumping spider. Now, I don’t like bugs at all and especially not spiders. He took a couple of quick jumps and lands right in my lap. Next thing I realize; I’m shrieking and jumping myself…trying to scoot my chair back without tipping it over and to get away from the spider. Everyone is looking at me as if I suddenly “got the Spirit”. (Remember the Ray Stevens Song about “Mississippi Squirrel Revival”?) Well that was almost me! (The spider is now in its “happy place.”)

The third and hopefully last incident happened last Saturday. During the week I had purchased a new top. Saturday I wore my new top. I examined it for hanging tags and cut one from the underarm area. I’m out running errands, Larry is at mom’s doing some yard work and I drive over there to see him for a minute. My next stop is at Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries. I get a phone call from our Youth Minister, Ron. He very calmly tells me he’s having some chest discomfort, and wants to know what Larry and I are doing. I explained where we were and told him I would be right over. I get to his house, and we drive first to the local doctor, who doesn’t take his insurance so next we drive to Owasso to the hospital. An ER nurse meets me at the car and takes him into ER. I’m sitting in the waiting room until I can go back to see him. Another young man comes in and introduces himself. He is Allen, the Youth Minister from an Owasso congregation. After a few minutes the receptionist informs us we can go into Ron’s room. After about ten minutes I notice Allen keeps looking at my “chest” area, so much so that I’m getting a bit uncomfortable. I look down to see what the fascination might be and as I do, he begins stammering, somewhat uncomfortably; and politely informs me that I still have the size sticker on the front of my shirt. I look down again and sure enough…there it is; a three inch piece of sticky label with the size printed vertically about 6 times right across my boob. Mind you…I’ve already made several stops and not one person has mentioned this to me. Yes…it was a printed design and hopefully…no one else really saw it. When I got home and told Larry, that’s when he told me “I’m making quite a reputation for myself.” Yessirree…I’m a laugh a minute! If y’all want to book me for your next gig-just give me a holler.

It wasn’t long ago that Russell commented in one of his lessons that God collects tears in a bottle. I was intrigued and decided to research it …following is a smidgen of what I found.

First I will show how it reads in four different translations-

Ps 56:8 Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? KJV

Ps 56:8 Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll — are they not in your record?  NIV

Ps 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. NLT

Ps 56:8 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? ESV

In my NIV bible Psalm 56 starts out with a heading which reads: For the director of music. To the tune of “A Dove on Distant Oaks.” Of David, A miktam. When the Philistines had seized him in Gath. (I love the title of the tune)

Ps 56 Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me; all day long they press their attack. My slanderers pursue me all day long; many are attacking me in their pride.  When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? All day long they twist my words; they are always plotting to harm me. They conspire, they lurk, they watch my steps, eager to take my life. On no account let them escape; in your anger, O God, bring down the nations. Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll — are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me.  In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise —  in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?  I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you. For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

NIV translation reads: “list my tears on your scroll.”

If someone is wrongfully attacking us in a slanderous manner, out of their own pride, twisting words, plotting harm, conspiring, lurking, eager to destroy life, or in any matter;  we can appeal to God in the same way David did.

Nothing in our lives escapes God’s attention. Yet, just like David we can say with all confidence that we know God is for us, he know us intimately, he is able to collect our tears in a bottle.

Like David we can sing these praises… in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

What a beautiful Psalm! How wonderful and exciting to proclaim “that I may walk before God in the light of life.”

I also found an interesting article here: http://www.lachrymatory.com/

 Photo of Laodicea

Message to the church in Sardis-I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Rev 3:1-3

Sardis was alive in name only. James 2:26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.   They are warned to wake-up-there is still time for them to repent. They are told to “Strengthen what remains” Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love. 1 Cor 16:13-14

Message to the church in Philadelphia-These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. Rev 3:7-8

Message to the church in Laodicea- I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Rev 3:15-17

Pride, hypocrisy, indifference and denial are all negative acts that lead to becoming lukewarm. Neglect is enormous too. If we neglect to feed on the Word, neglect to pray, neglect to love, neglect each other, then we are in danger of being lukewarm.

You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire Rev 3:17-18

It’s easy to say “I believe”…our actions often prove contrary to the statement. When we put our faith in man or ‘things’ then our faith is dead. When we ignore the teachings of Jesus, add to or take away from his teaching; we are in danger.

I am sickened when I see this nation trying to suppress God on a daily basis.

We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? Heb 2:1-3

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith…2 Cor 13:5

It can be a frightening thing to really examine ourselves against scripture, yet being lukewarm is more frightening and very dangerous…

As always, my desire is to encourage you and me. I want to go to heaven and…it’s so easy to get distracted! It’s so easy to wait until “tomorrow.”

Keep the faith.

“But I have this complaint against you: You have forsaken your first love.

 Rev 2:4 The previous verse was directed to the church in Ephesus. 

They had left their first love, possibly two views…their love for Christ and their love for each other. Consider Mark 12:29-31 and I John 4:20.  Their eagerness and enthusiasm had declined. I expect many of us have experienced a dip in those areas in times past and it scares me because I realize, if I remain that way;  it’s a state of “lukewarmness” , a state that is so offensive to Christ that he will spit us out of his mouth, wishing instead we be either hot or cold.

Can you recall a time in your life when you’ve been passionate about something? Usually when we are baptized we are “on fire” for the Lord. Then we hit speed bumps, road blocks and various other things that cause us to shift into a lower gear, sometimes we get so discouraged we start going into reverse.

There have been times when I have dieted, kept my eyes fixed on my goal. I get excited when those first pounds start coming off. Suddenly I hit a plateau, one week, two weeks…discouragement sets in, and pretty soon I find myself wanting to give up.

I remember when I got a new car. I cleaned it, vacuumed it, washed the windows, I kept it in showroom condition for…about six months. Then those cleanings came less often. Oh…I still maintain a clean car…I’m just not as passionate about it as in the beginning, and that’s ok to lose our zeal on some things. It’s not ok when we lose our zeal for Christ or for each other.

The message to the church in Smyrna speaks of their suffering and poverty and yet they are rich. They are encouraged not to be afraid of what they are about to suffer, even when facing death. If they will remain faithful they will be given the crown of life. Rev 2:8-10

The message to the church in Pergamum is also one of encouragement and complaint. They had remained loyal when Antipas, a faithful witness, was martyred among them in a city where Satan had his throne. Yet he had a few complaints against them as well. They tolerated some whose teaching was like that of Balaam. Teaching them to sin by eating food offered to idols and by committing sexual sin. Rev 2:13-14

He tells the church in Thyatira; he knows all the things they do. He has seen their love, faith and service and patient endurance as well as their constant improvement in those things. Still his complaint against them is in permitting that woman-that Jezebel who calls herself a prophet-to lead his servants away. She refused to repent and he goes on to tell them, unless they repent, they too will suffer greatly. Rev 2:19-22 He also encourages the rest of those in Thyatira who haven’t followed the false teachings- Rev 2:24-25 Now I say to the rest of you in Thyatira, to you who do not hold to her teaching and have not learned Satan’s so-called deep secrets (I will not impose any other burden on you): Only hold on to what you have until I come.

I find the first few chapters of Revelation fascinating. I do not pretend to understand all of what I read. I simply desire to know more and I pray God will give me wisdom to understand. It seems pretty clear to me though that there is a stern and serious message for those of us who make up the church.

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Rev 2:29

Tomorrow I will conclude and look more at the other three churches and “lukewarmness.”

Man and woman sin, brother kills brother, earth corrupted, earth flooded, only 8 survivors, and age of oldest survivor- 601.

Rainbow given as sign of covenant between God, Noah and his sons and with every living creature on earth, promising never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth. (I am always moved when I see a rainbow, as I recall that great promise)

 Seventy-five year old man called Abram leaves his native country, his relatives and his father’s family to go to an unknown land. He is promised blessings and fame as well as all the families on earth being blessed through him; also promised he would have more descendants than the stars.

Same man lies about his wife being his sister, causing great plagues upon a King and his household.

Woman named Sarai encourages husband to sleep with her servant, servant becomes pregnant, has a son.  She is told by an angel that the son will be a wild man.

Abram’s name is changed to Abraham at the age of 99. He is promised he will be the father of a multitude of nations if he will serve El-Shaddai-‘God Almighty’ faithfully.

Woman gives birth at 90, husband is 100.

Sodom and Gomorrah and several other cities and villages destroyed by fire and burning sulfur.

Woman turned into pillar of salt…Elijah taken into heaven by whirlwind… Donkey speaks to man.

Jonah swallowed by a great fish, lived and prayed inside fish three days then vomited up, alive, onto dry ground.

Young ruddy, handsome boy kills a bear and lion then kills nine foot tall Philistine named Goliath with slingshot and stone.

Man afflicted with sores and boils, lost all his children and livestock, never turned away from God and was blessed in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. He was blessed with seven more sons and three more daughters.

Yes…all of this from my favorite book and the best selling book of all time. The stories I mentioned are just from the Old Testament. The bible is full of history, glimpses of future and promises to all who remain faithful. It may be the best selling book of all time…yet too often it is left unread.

Ps 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

We are having perfect weather this morning. It rained a bit last night and it’s currently overcast. Temperature is 64 degrees and slightly breezy. I took some pictures this morning and I stand in awe at the beauty that surrounds us. Our house sits on a glorious piece of property. After the ice storm of 2007 I wondered if our trees would ever be beautiful again. They are!!

Larry keeps the yard and flowerbeds looking beautiful. He worked in grounds maintenance for 35 years at Merced College in CA. The man knows what he is doing, loves doing it and has a major green thumb. We have 2½ acres and most of it is completely natural surroundings. The only successes I have with plants/flowers are the artificial kind. I know how to dust those well.

After much prompting from friends, I’m officially on FB. You may view more photos there.

1 Chron 4:23 These were the potters, and those that dwelt among plants and hedges: there they dwelt with the king for his work.

From Sprugeon’s Morning and Evening- Potters were the very highest grade of workers, but “the king” needed potters, and therefore they were in royal service, although the material upon which they worked was nothing but clay. We, too, may be engaged in the most menial part of the Lord’s work, but it is a great privilege to do anything for “the king”; and therefore we will abide in our calling, hoping that, “although we have lien among the pots, yet shall we be as the wings of a dove covered with silver, and her feathers with yellow gold.” The text tells us of those who dwelt among plants and hedges, having rough, rustic, hedging and ditching work to do. They may have desired to live in the city, amid its life, society, and refinement, but they kept their appointed places, for they also were doing the king’s work. The place of our habitation is fixed, and we are not to remove from it out of whim and caprice, but seek to serve the Lord in it, by being a blessing to those among whom we reside. These potters and gardeners had royal company, for they dwelt “with the king” and although among hedges and plants, they dwelt with the king there. No lawful place, or gracious occupation, however mean, can debar us from communion with our divine Lord. In visiting hovels, swarming lodging-houses, workhouses, or gaols, we may go with the king. In all works of faith we may count upon Jesus’ fellowship. It is when we are in His work that we may reckon upon His smile. Ye unknown workers who are occupied for your Lord amid the dirt and wretchedness of the lowest of the low, be of good cheer, for jewels have been found upon dunghills ere now, earthen pots have been filled with heavenly treasure, and ill weeds have been transformed into precious flowers. Dwell ye with the King for His work, and when He writes His chronicles your name shall be recorded.

Many years ago I was leaving work. It was in the fall and already dark. The parking lot where I parked was in the back of our print shop, just off of Main Street. The neighborhood was not always safe after dark. I was the last one to leave and I had to walk through a short alley to get to the parking lot.

In those days I was a “pistol packing mama”. I had a concealed weapon permit for a 45 and a 38. I always had them with me. That night I had the 38 in my waistband and the 45 in my purse. Just as I was nearing my car, a tall, long haired scruffy man quickly crossed from the sidewalk into the parking lot, headed straight for me. I’m barely 5’3” tall, so I felt like Goliath was headed my way at a fast pace.

My mind started racing and fear washed over me like hot water. I touched my waistband wondering if I was going to have to use my 38. I kept telling myself; “stay calm” “stay aware”. Finally I heard a voice that didn’t sound like mine at all. I asked him if “I could help him?” That’s the same question I had asked customers thousands of time; yet this guy wasn’t a customer. He asked for money for something to eat. I glanced to my right and there was the little hamburger joint that adorned the corner of Main and ‘N’. I never quit walking; I just pointed to the hamburger place and said “go in there, I’ll pay for your meal”.

By this time my legs are feeling like shaky rubber bands and my heart is pounding. I’m silently praying he will do as I asked; knowing he can sense my fear. Much to my relief he turned and started walking; I followed him into the eatery and silently breathed a sigh of relief. I told him to order whatever he wanted and I would pay for it. He ordered a hamburger, fries and a large drink. I paid the clerk and turned to leave. He looked at me with such gratitude and said “thank you and God bless you”.

I was used to seeing homeless people in the daytime; in the dark I was scared and skeptical. I thought the worst when I saw him.

I too am GUILTY!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pray for forgiveness for judging.

Matt 22:39 ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The following is from Adam Clark Commentary on Matthew 22:39: We owe to our neighbour what we have a right to expect from him-”Do unto all men as ye would they should do unto you,” is a positive command of our blessed Saviour. By this rule, therefore, we should speak, think, and write, concerning every soul of man:-put the best construction upon all the words and actions of our neighbour that they can possibly bear. By this rule we are taught to bear with, love, and forgive him; to rejoice in his felicity, mourn in his adversity, desire and delight in his prosperity, and promote it to the utmost of our power: instruct his ignorance, help him in his weakness, and risk even our life for his sake, and for the public good. In a word, we must do everything in our power, through all the possible varieties of circumstances, for our neighbours, which we would wish them to do for us, were our situations reversed.

I didn’t get around to reading all the blogs I enjoy reading yesterday; so I was playing catch-up this morning. Trey Morgan’s blog was on “Failing to Love Like Jesus” It’s a great post and great site to visit. My post today is actually the comment I left on his blog so I decided to share it with you today. I know!! It was a long comment.

Why is it we like to blame someone else for our problems, mishaps, even our sins? As you know, this is not a new concept.

Adam blamed God when he ate the forbidden fruit. Gen 3:12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it and then Eve blamed the serpent. Gen 3:13 The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Little kids will at times cry out “he/she made me do it”. Comedian Flip Wilson made popular the phrase “The devil made me do it!”

Christians who quit coming to church often blame it on “those hypocrites.” Really??? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? Or those who don’t even go to church like to blame it on the church’s faulty construction…you know…”the roof will fall in if I walk through those doors.”

A man hits his wife because she nags too much. A spouse becomes unfaithful because they were misunderstood or felt unloved.

A parent beats their child because the child “pushed them too far”.

There always seems to be plenty of blame to go around. I used to comfort myself with food, drugs and alcohol because of the pain others had caused me. I needed/wanted to get away from the pain I felt and I simply didn’t know any other way to do it. There were resources available, I just wasn’t aware of them and don’t know if I would have utilized them at the time, as I grew to love my addictions…for a season.

At some point a person has to take a hard look in the mirror, make some tough decisions and quit being the “victim”.

If you have a “blamer” in your life, (or if you are a blamer) try encouraging them to look at things from a different angle and teach them how taking responsibility for their own actions can change their conditions.

We can find ourselves in frustrating circumstances that test our faith and our patience, and blaming someone else can look like an easy way out. Sometimes that hard look in the mirror is very painful. The blame game keeps us from healing and growing spiritually.

Heb 4:14-16 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.